Why?

Why is it that I still feel that people disapprove of my choices? The other thing is why do I care?

I sometimes feel that people don't understand what Chris and I share. They think that we stay together for financial reasons or for some other reason. The truth is for 2 1/2 years I have done everything to push Chris away to make sure he stays because he wants to not because he needs to. I want him to be happy and be the best he can be whether it is with me or without me. I don't ever want him to regret his choice to remain in our marriage.

My pushing has been hard as Chris keeps pulling me back to him and back to his heart. It feels like a tug of war. Recently I have given up on the pushing and have accepted the pull Chris has for me. I feel more at peace - more calm - more centered and the happiest I have been in a long time. I have decided to accept Chris' decision to stay and not to try to question his decision even though I don't understand the decision sometimes.

So if I can accept his decision and can live more happily - why is there still the dark storm clouds in the distance. The ever impending storm of doom and gloom. I know that Chris is my umbrella but I don't want him to be soaked by that doom and gloom.

My challenge is to stop looking in the distance at those clouds and keep my face towards the sun knowing that I have a wonderful man who loves me by my side.

So for all of you who don't understand - it's ok. If you have a question - ask it. But don't rain on my party...